It feels weird how tomorrow will be the 1st day of 2008.

OMG i just remembered I spent my first day of 2007 jogging some distance near my house. -.-

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Sunday, 23th December

After combined rehearsal, Gerald and I went to Plaza Singapura. I think its the first time we talk a lot – almost everything. We did some searching for reeds, musical stuff and some shopping (What I think I needed – a break from everything in life). We ate at KFC and bought myself a shirt, haha.

Today

Bought a very interesting self-improvement book which had what I think is beneficial. I bought a journal and I included my flaws in it and short-term/long-term goals and such. I think I will record what I have done and not done. I think this is very good for me in life. So i won’t screw up worse in life. Gah, I know there will be more ironies in life. I realised that whenever I say my patience is wearing thin – I am actually trying to be more patient/tolerant of everything. And i didn’t discover this from the book, it is through those deep reflections.

These words captured my eye, “I am not here to play music perfectly but to love music deeply, my music a gift to my soul and to the world” and “I don’t have a music degree, but I continue to take lessons and practice regularly .”

I think I know everybody knows I’m not a good player, recently I’ve been becoming a hindrance to the band, which is not a good feeling. I can’t help but to say that I had practiced that much and as much as I can considering my situation at home. I can’t help but to be disturbed by their “Wow, you are really hopeless and lousy” expression instead of seeing him and know what he can be in future. I hate the fact the people see us as that instead of hoping to be becoming another better person where we can be assets to be group. This also applies to people in the band who have that encounter before.

at home again….(again??? I’m alone at home for more than 3 weeks already)

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CANCEL THEM

Because there is some better event

Sembawang Symphonic Winds
proudly presents

Symphonie III

28th December 2007, Friday
19:00hrs @ e Victoria Concert Hall
$12 per ticket, free seating

Repertoire,
Saga Candida………..Bert Appertmont
Tuba Concerto………Vaughan Williams
Deux Movements……….Andre Waignein
Piccolo Concerto…………….Antonio Vivaldi
Third Symphony……………………James Barnes
Samson and Delilah:
Danse Bacchanale…. Camille Saint-Saëns

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AND DON’T TELL ME THIS

“going to xxx concert”

And purchase the tickets from me or no discount =P

*update due to people claiming of my insensitivity

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DON’T think anyone knows that I’m getting sensitive/insensitive to the extreme.

I’m feeling rejuvenated again. (more…)

Not as depressed as the days past. Good sign I guess, but it has been a long time since I had a mood swing.

I am not waiting for saturday to come, I don’t think I had enough practice OMG

I know I am feeling ultra unstable.

A co-existing feelings of anger, confusion, irritation, frustration and somewhat despair is like….how to say sia…they are really inside me, just unable to escape. Er, seriously, it really makes me feel a little helpless and lousy again, and makes me feel like screaming everything out. I don’t like the vicious cycle of feelings leading to another. Or sometimes those incidents are reminiscent of history repeating itself.

argh.

On the brink of.

I really hate it and I can say that 10 times more. The people around me are not helping and they should know it. Instead of lifting the burden, they make a drastic step in suffocating me even more, making me devoid of my freedom. They are supposed to be of mature characters, or did they really gone senile this time. I really want to occupy myself and I don’t want to feel anything bad doing that. I hate being forced to do things this and that. I hate being in the house where they think they know but they actually don’t.

I know I am pissing myself further when I can’t seem to make my blog post on a positive note. Go ahead and try laughing at me at a clown. I know some of you all are enjoying it. I know some of you all are enjoying it.