The written Chronicles

Came back feeling ultra exhausted from school and got a tongue-lashing from my parents.  Obviously they might be one of those unemphatic  people on earth.You know, parents scold their child because they might have spoken in a rude manner, my case: a reversal of roles. And I came back all the way from sch itching (from the countless mosquito bites) in silence and a heavy bag. They wanted to see my uniform ( and what is the big deal about it??).  Yes, probably teenage angst but I have some really good points.

Here is a glimpse

*I came back from school with a heavy bag*
Father: Hows your uniform?
Yes, back from school and the first thing he wants to know is about my uniform… not about my day or about anything else.

I asked them to wait.. I am really sweaty and itchy and I want to bathe and apply ointment la.

Father:  The money I give you is not for you to spend ah?

(I seriously think when I grow up, I will be surpassing my parent’s parenting standards  (and their speaking tone…..and grammar). Like, what do I owe them? Why would I want to spent on some trifles. That statement really makes me think how they judge me, I’m going to do GP for A levels and they ask me some mindless rhetorical question (or statement in this case). Of course I won’t spend the money on something else, crazy. I just realised that if im not to be able to spent on anything with that money, how am I supposed to buy my uniform?)

Mother: Can you just let us see your uniform?
Me: Wait la, I go….
Father: DON’T BE RUDE AH FIKRI
Me: I just want to …
Father: Say some more?

I seriously think something is really wrong in their minds. My tone was very polite. Are they going through some kind of stage (like a phase of thinking adults into senile people) What kind of impatient father….

Ok speaking of impatience, my father just knocked on the door now.

Father: FIKRI!
Me: What?
Father: HOW COME THERE ARE SOME SHIRTS MISSING?
Me: No stock, buy tomorrow
Father: TAKE BACK YOUR UNIFORM!
Me: Why are you so angry?
Father: IM NOT ANGRY, I WANT YOU TO TAKE BACK YOUR SHIRT.

I-R-O-N-I-C

Don’t tell me what I spelt above isn’t right.

He is confusing me already. If that tone is not in angst, I wonder what his full-of-angst tone would be like.

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Nothing interesting for school today. But yeah, the H2 mass lecture for  Malay Lit sounds daunting but fun, someone inspired me in Malay for once. Ok, not someone, its a group of people. Not like some fogey teacher in the formal school thinks her method is somehow “free-size”. I feel I was just psychologically discouraged to learn in the former environment. Like who wants to try to speak and then listen to people with subtle smirks and giggles. Who feels very positive in learning anyway in that bloody restricting environment anyway? I feel very belonged already when another girl with the exact same background with me, who has A2 in higher Malay yet, can’t speak the language fluently, AND THERE ARE A BLOODY BUNCH IN SCHOOL LIKE ME. ZOMG. MI is a place for diversity =) . That teacher makes me feel that Mdm Mazni’s approach is not as efficient already. She told me of a story of how a C6-er achieved exceptionally good result la. If I were to be in IJC, I think I will be facing some people again. *hint**hint*

Gain some lose some =)

After today, I finally have the courage to speak to people in MI in that language, cos’ they are so matured, and forgiving. I was like, trying to strengthen my malay to express myself better. Seriously, my friend, Adilah, is now waiting for her place in NIE MT teaching course because she wants to strengthen the malay community with  a stronger sense of culture and language use, since the generations have been using “bahasa pasar” all the time lol.

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MISB is IMPROVING IN MEMBERSHIP, and played some grade 4 sounding repertoire yesterday. Of Sailors and Seas by francis Mcbeth. Some parts are abit hard to play but yeah.

Hmm, I just realised something, this will be just my 38th post. And I didn’t post much last and current month. But it really doesn’t matter. Its not the quantity that I have written, its the quality of the post that keeps this blog alive (I hope =/). It turned out to be a very memorable day today as this is officially my first time of bringing a first MI band friend to SSW – her name is Eileen. She feels very comfortable with the band and yeah, the trombones did well with 5 members today. AARON CAME! …and so did some French hornist and some players who were still new =) Had committee meeting and left for Ah mei cafe at northpoint and timezone. Played a lot of games in timezone and had fun. For the first time since (insert time period here), we took a section picture. Haha. Learnt about Marcus screwed up brain and what is intriguing is how he managed to use it!

Will post some pictures tomorrow I promise!

I really thought of something back home.

I really really wonder, is it the social norm that diversity has no place in any organization? I’m just speaking in general sense. If it is, than the world is really “a small world” – with people with their lack of open-mindedness and superficiality, it is really a small world. Made a new friend whom people thought was eccentric and he shocked me with his in-depth intellectuality, might have been a little like me when I was in my lower sec days. And on the trip back home, I’ve really made a conclusion that the world is inescapable of materialism. Its really sad that in our unforgiving society, there is no place for failures – and the ones with high aptitude will excel and gain better recognition from the rest. Its really sad that our society view achievements by status and money worth. Than Singapore is not even a gracious society and I also feel, meritocracy is just a system that the rich goes richer and the poor goes poorer (richer in terms of treatment). I’ve heard unbelievable and leaked out information in some organisation that just made my world feels more corrupt than what I’ve already known.

Ok looking back at the statement “than Singapore is not a gracious society” , I really wonder if Singapore was even one then.

MI is a “dynamic” society indeed. I think its really a platform where elites and norms meet (yes, 50% of them are from elites with majority intending to do commerce). It didn’t change anything because the admins are the ones with a ridiculous mindset of us then. And i sense a little bit of culture is born. A little bit. Its a not bad institution, it needs better teachers with better empowerment. And Im very empowered to do GP now.

Yeah, spent the day in a babylon of unfamiliar trees (MacRitichie reservoir), under the sweltering heat of the sun and the best parts of it – the thick rainforest aroma, hovering insects with exotic colours, getting spooked by the moving dirt which appears to be some exotic lizard. They are highly camouflaged – it took me about some 20 seconds to realise its beside me, just half a step away.  Oh the birds are nice too. My legs will be crying tomorrow. Somehow its abit therapeutic.

Somehow I felt i completed a minor part of a jihad doing this (I’m even fasting that afternoon – had some kind of migrane and gastric pains, but i didn’t give up til 7.20) . Iam actually hunger for more – to endure with my legs and capture more of nature if my cam allows me too (‘cos it FAILED on me today haha).

Went back home on the taxi – I was damn shagged. I slept on the bed – felt the body is moving too much, had a feeling of going uphill and downhill. Must be the fluids in my body which is not at constant motion.

Will post some pictures more later.

I just don’t know what gotten over me, but just by thinking of going back to school itself is a tempting thought. I am not eagerly going to waste my time there putting no meaning into my school life. I really hate skeptics who feel that MI isn’t good but I feel its just a new beginning with the lack of willpower by the admin. I could really judge by just going to the open house. Im an adaptable person -NOT to such mundane school life. I will keep on going myself and make these 3 years the best of my life.

Although its undeniably inevitable that CI route is going to be scrapped out – I wonder if many people would realise the merits of the institute if the students really try to excel (can see by just looking at their mediocre A level results). The flexibility of 3 years. 3 YEARS, thats alot of time to see many people do great things with that. Sad isn’t it, where they dread everyday with no sense of will to achieve what they really desire in life? I’ve made my mistake being in 4E1, with no motivation to go on whatsoever. The regret Ive sense in the past year is too intense – I can’t bear to do it again. My motivation didn’t just drain like that, I thought i had it but it drained away very subtle. I feel if I made the right circle of friends – I think this wouldn’t be a problem. If life lacks here – I feel what needs a vibrant environment lies in the teachers – seriously, i feel they carve out everything (includes empowering the students to do great things in life)

Im still in my CCA now – which is the SSW. Yes, healthy life isn’t it? I really like the fact that by joining SSW, it gives me a chance to improve on myself musically and join in with the community who comes from all walks of life and every corner of Singapore. Perhaps I would like to try other CCAs as well. But maybe I would like to stick to the Symphonic band so I think I can manipulate some of them into joining SSW? Lets see how it goes.

Had a dream that was symbolic last night. I kept seeing my grandfather as if he was alive but he isn’t. My family can’t even see him nor my grandmother now – it seems that I am the one who could see him. I feel his current soul might be a little tortured, if not, why is his soul not resting in peace till judgment day. Just after CNY, I see him in my dreams and no where else – or maybe he wants to be with us.

This isn’t good, my grandfather passed away due to brain hemorrhage (though he isn’t my biological grandfather). I mean life can be unpredictable. I don’t want to die unprepared. I want to prepare for life….life after death. I don’t dread life and then I am going to waste it to be thrown to Hellfire. How you people on earth realise that life is short. The dream is so memorable, I kept seeing him staring into blank space, or even me. I’ve remembered a part of my dream where I called my father to look at him (I bet he can’t see him) but he shouted at him go away. I think this scene is a flashback of my father’s broken family life? Its very very symbolic of something I can’t make up of.

I feel I’m straying away from God now because I find it hard to watch over my tongue and I’m not thinking very much of God like I use to.  If people can literally count the blessings of just practicing their worship, everyone will join in la. The end is coming really, more people are indulged into ignorance and nonsensical stuff. Kinda normal when they have everything – they become less aware of who was the one gave them their needs.

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Its hooooott in toooopeeeekaaaaaa!

Hot….hot hot……hot hot…. My toe is hot, topeka is hot, PICK IT!

literally.

Mitchell should be watching porn washing fish pond by now. Haha.

OK, haven’t blog for a long time because I am overly preoccupied by some things. Went for SSW meeting yesterday and then stayed back with Jonas to help him with his work at Coffee Bean. His basics in history and SS is a bit shaky, don’t know how he is going to manage his common tests and SAs. DID a HISTORY ESSAY AND SUMMARY for jonas’ homework. Not going to do that for anyone anytime soon. I would wanna coach him la, want to see people passing aceing humans. Damn funny on how he answered the questions for Micrometer screw gauge. His physics won’t be a problem with Mr Ng around.

Mitchell wanna give me an old camera but Im getting another lomo cam as well. Like omg, what goes around comes around. Finally in life, I get something in return for all the kindness Ive contribute to the society. I was beggining to think that kindness really do not begets kindness. ^_^

And oh yeah btw, not all of LJS IS 50% OIL =P