The written Chronicles

I always dream of leading a band anyways. If only I can have the best of both worlds

Anyway, studied something constuctive which is to deepen my knowledge of Economics. I really wonder when will they start moving fast because what I am learning now is just the preliminaries. When will we ever move on to application? Maybe the fundamentals are very important for the whole syllabus. I think I really really really really x really x really need to clear my room of the clutter. Its really giving me some kind of psychological irritation every time I have to face my junk-filled room.

It suddenly dawned upon me that the change (in comparison to last years) was actually, subtly better – in terms on how I manage my time, work, play, hanging out. Yet, I know this phase is still a comfortable one. My classmates are not in their fixed place – some of them are waiting for their call to other institutes………Which might be a little depressing – where change is always the only constant. Hmm, at least its for the better.

Taking my time to decide between these 2 things. I just hope I really choose either one or not there is just no turning back.

I realised I need an idea on how to make my title more………….significant?

Yep, its a sunday morning now(7.46am), almost forgotten that there will be YCK concert in the evening.

Which reminds me Mango had bought the ticket =/

..

..

..

I became a sadist after watching this!!!

which is today.

Woke up on ANOTHER lazy morning to find out I have to slog out to NTU to catch the debate. I was quite sure that the preposition was way better yet the opposition won, it was UNANIMOUS they won but the irony is that they didn’t. Ok la, i found out their loopholes that cause them to lose out alot. I realised even undergraduates in NTU or NUS can go out of point – when THW that sensitive art towards religion should be banned. I mean the opp. said that art would be wrong if it negates religion in comparision to offending the religion which doesn’t make any link at all.

When to ERC open house.

Then went home with a clearer picture of what I want to do in months to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the train home, I was thinking about love after hearing someones story on how his love for that person was shown so much till his death. Kinda moving real life story – makes me wonder if I ever get into a real relationship, would I be able to show the love that her boyfriend shown her.  I realised that the person whom I confessed to about in February was kinda depressing because confession without display of love would just as well be futile. Kinda remembered that hour, although the sucky thing was through msn. I thought she was the first time she captured my eye with her personality. Hmm. Although I do stand inferior in terms of academic standards.

Ho hum.

Woke up on a lazy morning with this thought : Wow, why can’t yesterday be Friday.

Went to school. Freaked Yi Chen out in the morning, taunted Wayne and Farhana. I think I was super annoying in the morning =P

Did History and GP only.

The class was super mean la this is what they wrote for class rep on the whiteboard.

Fikri(Male)
Fitri(Female)

2 person with similar names, WE ARE NOT A FREAKING SPECIE LOL???? Don’t know who won anyway. Paper balls and staple bullets loves me. PE loves me too.

Going for the debate thing tomorrow at NTU

Band prac just now was a drag. Because the students have no sense of urgency, discipline etc etc etc

Mitchell-botak-head miscalled me and he is apparently busy now.

The title has some significance in this blog entry…………..somewhere.

Yesterday went to band and went back home. Listen to all the crap at home [screaming people] and then had no mood to do my homework. Hence I decided to wake up at 5 clock and did my remaining assignments all the way to school and finished them all on time.

==Felt a pang of guilt when I woke up this particular person which I wasn’t supposed to.

==Smelled ‘nother stench of self-dislike after being engrossed in my own thoughts with another……scrawny tall guy.

==I walked shoes of an alien with another person whom I’ve clung for a week speaking a particular language I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND – but yet just wants to live with that person’s idiosyncrasies.

==I mixed my wants and needs that both cannot be indistinguishable. I felt pretty alone because I don’t know myself anymore.

Imagine yourself walking on a lane – a cold dark lane – you don’t know where you are heading to but you know what you want but yet still can’t find your own destination. You give your full faith inside your wants. This ‘wants’ make you feel happy and sad. My ‘lane of needs’ give me nothing but stable walking pace.

^^^^I hate the impact of drastic changes ^^^^

You know… (by Muhd Fikri) [Simplistic poem]

I deepen myself,

in this particular sphere surrounding intricate thoughts.

Randomly,

the clouds layers and thickens with,

Outcry of the layered shadows, heard on grungy days

Tasted Anger like a crimson scorching heat.

The impossible will never be attainable – neutrality

..

..

..

..

..

..

No point understanding this blog entry – I am as incoherent as I can be.

Saturday (Yesterday)

Early in the morning yesterday at about 1am or so, Adrian myself and Mango started to chat alot. Crapped alot of stuffs and yeah. We met up 12 hours following that, and we discussed alot on economics actually, on terms definitions and etc.

Excerpt form Mango’s BLog

den den den~ went home.
and had a conference conversation with ADRIAN and FIKRI.
and i was confused. hahas.
FIKRI called me. and i thought he was adrian.
den i heard band music. and i was like asking ADRIAN ADRIAN.
den i was ignored =.=
den i got a second line. and when i picked up e phone.
ITS ADRIAN !! so was shocked la. -.=
hahas. its actually fikri on e other line.
confuse la. they soun alike over e phone.
and believe it or not.
we managed to chat from 1 plus am to 4 plus am =.=
nearly 3 hours plus. hahas.
its nice talking to them la.
haahas.

den went studyin with e 2 of them today.
did econs. and i realise i noob.
i wrote econs the way i write english liddat =.=
forget it., i need to do and practise like xiao tomolo
NO MORE SLACKING.
was suppose go studying again with them tomolo.
but due to change in plans =.=
super random family plans.
i cant go le =( haix

ACTUALLY studied today and we went to mango’s house to study, contrary to what we said.  So her place was cool and we studied by the tranquil pool – was a good feeling as i know my Literature mojo. Hopefully, if i picked up my strength well enough, I will not be encumbered by the schedule tomorrow but have my passion for these subjects deep-rooted. Went to KFC to eat and chat, followed by me getting my hair cut at EC. Went back to find ourselves being very chatty but serious too. Her siblings were freaking fun. I could only wish a sibling like that.

Speaking to Adrian and Mango just now dawned onto me that some particular person doesn’t seem that all nice.  Which pisses me off again – unlike  the first case that made me the subject of hostility due to some moron. I mean seriously come on – you are a freaking 16 going on to 17 year old and if words could bleed, you could have already died from being such a fouled-mouth person who passes critical fast judgments on other people (and voila – you just made yourself sound despicable). If the world were to revolve around you, I would have suicide than to live by the corruptive and disruptive order of yours. A freaking A level student would be sensible, mature, open-minded and SENSITIVE. Now comes my important message to the general public:

You have no freaking rights to judge someone whom you don’t know and make others be imposed to your own opinions. Unless what you stand for is true (which i DOUBT so) and think you on the pompous one in the party(screw you), then you can pass some degeratory statement if you like. But if you would already know that this affects more than one person in the group which will ultimately create a rift between 2 parties somewhere later, THEN WHY SAY SUCH THINGS. What I can say now (which will be sufficient and will suffice) is that, the walls have eyes, make a silly mistake and the gun will end up in your direction, INDEFINITELY.

Period

No see.

The march holidays were good, I went out with my friends out on 2 events,  one at plaza sing and the other at michelle’s house/area for bbq. Adrian and I hanged out the most and crapped alot. Kinda made some kind of special bond. March holidays was one of the holidays in my life well spent. Really carved up a constructive yet bloody bloody fun week. Again it dawn onto my that my sojourn in MI is short, and our time as an OG S4 (on sunday) was just hours till we get ourselves re-separated.  The circle of life.

The circle of life.
Feels bloody weird on the first day of my school term – felt like I just entered MI…again. It was weird. Very. I was stoning there, gawked into thin air sometimes. I just do not wanna rant so much but my class, 08A1, just don’t feel like its from the ARTs stream. I don’t know if I’m justified in saying this but some people in my class just were really not cut out for Arts especially in A101/A102. I know I am not morally correct in saying this but seriously I don’t know why the bunch of attention seeking people are doing here.  I just find so much difficulty in expressing this. Maybe its just me. Lessons were fun, some were extremely good and some were terrible. Most of the time good, I guess. Second day today was weirder.

Ever since I came into this class, somehow my new hobby is to just isolate myself in my own pathetic world imagining no one else are around except for the tutor and me. Some tutors are just professional in how they can really present themselves waiting for the wall to reply. The. Wall. I feel like a nerd – participating in so much sessions that I don’t think some people are just interested in. I don’t know if I have any common interest with anyone there la. I can see Hema is in her own clique and Angeline is stoning just like me. Again, the circle of life – having to see me dazing into the teachers eyes amongst the din of the classroom.

No more ranty stuffs. Good thing there is band tomorrow.

Seriously, Adrian, thanks for being on the other end of the computer screen/beside me on the pavement/bus/mrt to  give a listening ear and to give some substantial advice. I think you were the only one who walk pass by the class only to spot me staring lifeless into mid air. (since some teachers can’t really articulate themselves as much as i expected them to) Thanks Mango and Janice who are very willing to meet up during breaks despite the endless queue and the sucky food (the more janice should stay anorexic only inside school =D)

The bright side

1) STUDY GROUPs every friday
2)Meeting up every morning
3)Will see you all during breaks
4)Another  mind stimulating chat with Adrian
5)Have to listen to MANGO on her petty..ooops ^_^

I realise wordpress is such an ass when comes to uploading photos

Spent the day quite boring today – possibly because lime is missing and thats why its quiet during the canteen.

After spending my time in deep thought (again after gawking into blank space every trip in the train), it came into realisation that there are some certain group of people who came in with a reason (fate plays a part), and left with a reason. We came into the clan and we are all from different walks of life but still very similar in person. I’m relishing at the thought that I’m just an average person I’d like people to think me of – not some ostracized weirdo (AS perceived by my friends in CSS). I didn’t quiet realised that the most scariest looking person at day 1 could be the most open-minded and intelligent person at day 10.

Spent the whole day on Wednesday with Limei, Janan, Adrian, Jennifer, myself and mango. Went to the food court and ate dessert while listening to their mysterious giggles and smiles =____= Went with mango to toa payoh to accompany Adrian home and we went to the popular there. Got so much into those intriguing discussions about mob and poa. =/ Made mango petrified, felt that she needs help so I just helped her just by talking to her and she felt enlightened – realised she needs mob more than poa to carry on his father’s business.

Went to IMM with adrian with some group of girls. For me, its my chance to get some reeds! and we ate at LJS, and went home.