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Malcontent off my blog title, although it will still be inherent in me that I no longer have the passion for looking forward to changes in the world, especially when the term is mostly used for the renaissance period and also because my quasi-objective voice in my blog is losing in its nature or it is actually an implicit one or actually it wasn’t there at all. After cross-analyzing characters in lit and many self-questioning, I don’t see why I am becoming more like a malcontented person (since I progress to neutrality) when instead of wanting change, I understood the social norms of the world,….. and live with it,… although I still hate its implicitly oppressive nature. Well this sums things up, the voice of one person in the world doesn’t make a difference.
And due to the circumstances that I faced in my life, even more recently, seriously, I think I should stay subtle. Maybe that is my role in this world. But maybe I don’t know my role yet. Let alone the importance of it. Shame, it will forever be one of my biggest fears but somehow whatever I do it will be inherent inside me – be it a state of emotion or a state of mind. I think I am coming to terms that I can understand how I really work. Because although I have no reasons to feel shame at all, I may still say “I hate myself” in a jest when I know I don’t have to be. Sometimes I know I should be feeling it because there is a certain humiliation in myself by the flaws of my actions, even if others don’t see it.
And I know what values to live by. Now I am going to impose a new one. Just stay subtle, but I am willing to maintain my own personality in my own ways…but that small change would be just staying subtle. So maybe it is safe, to move from the state of passion (in my personal ways of expression and straightforwardness) to propriety. I’m not retrogressing and I won’t change myself drastically because of that.
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Do unto others as you would have others do unto you – a quote, very universally well-known, passe – how often do we live by these values?
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Were my lit essays legible enough to be read?
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That tune is like…… embedded in my mind.
Woke up at about 6.45-ish to get my butt out of my bed to the bathroom to bathe.
Went to the CC to find myself playing PSP alone and soon the horde of people came and they all looked like zombies out of the coffin.
Well, rehearsal was ..ok, productive and i realised my tonguing needs more adjustment. My Eb still try to be in tune and …why is tuning never easy on my Eb? Hate it when after 3 hours into the afternoon my tone went……somewhere sounding very unfamilair….yeah thats the phrase.
My schedule for July is going to be another Jam-packed again.
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I know who I am. I walk everyday with a “I have nothing to worry about” or “I have a good life” kind of facade. Deep down, I feel invisible.
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Yes, finally you see a truckloads of photos.
But these aren’t new, they are very reminiscent of my past.
These were the captures made in my life – interesting and the not so interesting ones
Thus my very own first photojournalist entry (more…)
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Why didn’t I realise earlier that perfect practice makes perfect. I think I did but I don’t really knew its meaning till just today. Had my History exams today but some time after thinking about my upcoming exams, I think this makes perfect sense that perfect practice makes perfect. This encompass everything in life that needs practice. Why is it that sometimes I get a pint of inspiration a little late?
Urgh.
Then I think someone had to abolish/negate that freaking term practice makes perfect. Yeah, like how I might unknowingly perfect the little little flaws till it become a major flaw. I don’t know how to time manage my exams and the upcoming competition for NBC. I think I got to Decide to not partake in the debate for that day. Perhaps perfect practice of time management could help a long way.
Then what does perfect mean? At the epitome of no mistakes or is it judged level of minor mistakes made in a process.
I think I should practice alot more though I’m exhausted. It makes me feel out of place playing with SWO members with their superb accuracy and the tone they possess.
In a way I feel lousy I want to practice so hard. Yet in another way they make me realise on the level of playing I want to get.
I just realised that when I succumb into isolation, my inner thoughts dominate the whole room. When I am feeling emotionally detached, I feel I can think through in a focused manner, clearly and more logically. Maybe I’m hitting the growth spurt again?
Why are my random thoughts very random?
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With this holiday coming to an end, I have learned more than what I’ve thought I would – but it is a sheer impossibility to get it all written here. However, I learned something new that is perpetually put on a real-life arena wherever I go and had happened couple of times recently in my life.
All this simplified into a phrase.
“Familiarity breeds contempt” .
Everyone has been a subject of this before and may be bound to that in future. Likewise, this is nothing new but when a new label comes to me, its feels uncomfortable – some kind of unprecedented emotion I really cannot express.
I know this is inherent in all of us to label others mentally. But a sad thing is that…why are we so restricted by that very label, that we gradually lose our respect for another gradually. I just realised we do it unknowingly but the action itself is not only unjustifiable and also lacks commonsense. Why are we losing respect for one another with the label we are restricted to and don’t our actions more likely to be based on labels we make and we are so often used to it, we think we know another being but in fact we don’t. With people changing all the time but the mindset don’t – its an unspoken conflict waiting to be ensued. Won’t labeling restrict changes to be made? In fact it negates change. Thus the sheer lack of commonsense in our subconscious doing yet it is the norm. I’m not only a victim but a culprit of this.
With 65 hours left to exams, I think my final preparation is getting more productive or it starts to feel productive. Somehow, all thanks to stress, it finally become something productive. I will prepare furthur later. Its my break from all the writing.
I am a happy person now. Because I almost achieved balance in life. Almost. It isn’t so hard to be happy, neither it is easy to be either. And I am thinking of changing the malcontent in my blog title. Maybe after exams, I should inject more life into the blog with more photos.
Bye people! Live your life. Make every second worthwhile.
P.S. Real mature to the person impersonating my name (and horribly mispelt too) tagging on my friends tagboards.
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- Finish History Assignment + Revision Today
- Finish reading Tess by TOMORROW EVENING
- REVIVE MY ECONS AND History NOTES by Saturday
- Finish Revising for Malay and ECONS by SUNDAY NIGHT
- Freaking get all my schedule settled
- Be a less lethargic person
- Maintain my room!
- Be a happier and joyful person as I am
- Keep away from annoying, superficial, disgustingly competitive people
- Keep myself healthy
My 10 vows are manageable for me enough. Still wondering if I should get the sectionals, productive, done and over with. And go study on saturday with Janice and REVIVE ALL MY MISSING NOTES.
Dear Fikri,
Its been eons since we’ve met. I really don’t know whats happening to you but I hope you are doing well! 5 exam days and intensive practices for SSW – I know you will pull through, I just know it. But one question, how come you change into the person I barely know of. Its like doing a retrogressing metamorphosis. Where is the mugging spirit in you? Heck nevermind, after months being in MI, have you found yourself fit in? Have you found yourself fit in the CCA you wanted? Why am I asking you these questions? What makes you, you?
Yours sincerely
The S.
I do not embrace loneliness, it embraces me.
I just remembered about it, loneliness is more than just sheer emotion. Its a phase, situation, a psychological state. – Been there done that. There are many a times I just gawk into blank space – its one of my nature since growing up. I never failed to love bus rides because it compels me into doing that especially on darker days
It was just recently when I had my bath, I was oblivious to my surrounding with my blank stare into nothingness. This was a norm when I was in secondary student myself. But really, it dawned upon me like a relevation – there is more to than what “A sense of belonging” had to convey, a short story to express the perpetual situation of itself. If I were to reflect enough almost everyone lived in companionship while for all my life I was a wanderer without any close friends. If i were to reminisce my own days in my childhood, having more friends only worsen the situation sometimes – I was feeling like a lone stranger in a bunch of other living beings. Bottomline : the bigger the party, the lonelier i felt.
Does it always had to be a feeling i want to escape from? I always give a perpetual yes without a second thought. At times I don’t feel it, at times I do. But most of the time it is the dichotomy between personalities that cause me to feel that situation. Then relating to the story, I not only remembered but realised the situation lasts a lifetime – sometimes you do sometimes you don’t. Only recently I don’t feel a sense of attachment to anything.
The only reason I hate this because it actually taints the colour of my life. Like HDTV basking in its own vivid colors flashing instantaneously to a dull, dog-eyed, tinted black and white. The question always comes to mind about my own identity and the place of my being : Where do I exactly belong? Am I satisfied or under-satisfied?
Alas, i will stop here with no intention to go on because of a intricate question hard to be answered. And I just let this phase grip me for now because any attempt to overcome it will just speak of my selfish nature (to myself) Why is progressing and then retrogressing a vicious cycle?
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SINGAPORE (AFP) – - A Singaporean man with a fetish for smelling womens’ armpits has been sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane, legal officials said Friday.
if(window.yzq_d==null)window.yzq_d=new Object();
window.yzq_d['IhAYSXxseNE-']=’&U=13fq2kfmg%2fN%3dIhAYSXxseNE-%2fC%3d629078.12732857.13035082.3272417%2fD%3dLREC%2fB%3d5378559%2fV%3d1′; A court employee confirmed the sentence, issued Thursday, against Mohammed Ismail Ariffin, 36.
Ariffin had a fixation for touching or smelling women, particularly their armpits, and was convicted of molesting 23 women, his lawyer Noor Mohamed Marican told AFP.
“He’s got this problem. Poor chap,” Noor said in a brief interview.
After reading an expert report that said Ariffin was likely to re-offend, Judge James Leong issued a preventive detention order, which means Ariffin will not be eligible for parole, The Straits Times said.
Ariffin, who is mildly retarded, would often attack his victims inside lifts, the report said.
It said Noor argued against a long sentence and in favour of rehabilitation and medical treatment.
But Leong said he found “precious little” in Ariffin’s favour, The Straits Times reported.
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HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH GROSSSSSSSS HAHAHAHAHAHA
LOL tormenting them for their armpits.
What has the world become?
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2 weeks not well spent
Hate it that the whole of 1 week is being used for SEL camp (which only benefited me in short term), and band for all the other days at the expense of my studies. Yes I am panicky yet abit slacky for my MYEs. I do feel the pressure though. Its either that one circumstance will cause me to study more/practice more than the other. This was done last year- why am I not a learned man.
2nd week, I hate it when the chalet tires me out and BEING SICK AT THE WRONG TIME. I hate it when I want to study, I didn’t do something productive. I hate it when i practice, I can’t improve as fast as I want it to. I hate EVEN MORE it when I practice, it didn’t sounded the same during rehearsals. I hate when my fingers get tense so easily. I hate it that I have 5 important events coming up during JULY and instead of fulfilling my teenhood, it is eating it up instead. I hate it when I try so hard to attain some kind of balance, i failed. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe not at all. I hate it when i cause inconvenience to others. I hate it when i sacrifice for others, i keep doing it at the expense of sacrificing myself.
Maybe I can only do this much, maybe I’m not good enough – hmm thats why im not in Dunman or AC or any above average/elite schools. Maybe its time I MUG all the way till 3am for my Midyears.
Maybe this is not a good year to spend time with family, friends or anything like shit such as my birthday. I know the birthday in 30th July is not meant to be.
23,24,25,26,30 13, 19, 20, 24. You numbers are the reason why I hate you so much.
guess i have to make the most out of it. Cause I already have a deprived childhood with not many friends – why would i want to wallow into self-pity right
sigh
