The written Chronicles

2 weeks not well spent

Hate it that the whole of 1 week is being used for SEL camp (which only benefited me in short term), and band for all the other days at the expense of my studies. Yes I am panicky yet abit slacky for my MYEs. I do feel the pressure though. Its either that one circumstance will cause me to study more/practice more than the other. This was done last year- why am I not a learned man.

2nd week, I hate it when the chalet tires me out and BEING SICK AT THE WRONG TIME. I hate it when I want to study, I didn’t do something productive. I hate it when i practice, I can’t improve as fast as I want it to. I hate EVEN MORE it when I practice, it didn’t sounded the same during rehearsals. I hate when my fingers get tense so easily. I hate it that I have 5 important events coming up during JULY and instead of fulfilling my teenhood, it is eating it up instead. I hate it when I try so hard to attain some kind of balance, i failed. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe not at all. I hate it when i cause inconvenience to others. I hate it when i sacrifice for others, i keep doing it at the expense of sacrificing myself.

Maybe I can only do this much, maybe I’m not good enough – hmm thats why im not in Dunman or AC or any above average/elite schools. Maybe its time I MUG all the way till 3am for my Midyears.

Maybe this is not a good year to spend time with family, friends or anything like shit such as my birthday. I know the birthday in 30th July is not meant to be.

23,24,25,26,30 13, 19, 20, 24. You numbers are the reason why I hate you so much.

guess i have to make the most out of it. Cause I already have a deprived childhood with not many friends – why would i want to wallow into self-pity right

sigh