The written Chronicles

Ironically, being sick is a blessing.
I took matters off the mind.
I start to think for myself and not for others to a large disproportionate expense,  a little would do.
I start to feel my old me coming back
And in my previous blog entry, I didn’t manage to get away from you (which is me) but I manage to hamper on it and wait for it to dissolve anyway.
I feel I’m regressing in another direction and progressing in another. How weird but unsuprising, considering my circumstances.
I feel comforted that some people are there for me and me being there for them.
and more importantly
being sick stimulated my creative juices for my campaign!

So I went to shadow adjudicate the Julia Gabriel Debate yesterday.
Obviously Evergreen surpasses the standards of YT.
So much so it made me felt that Evergreen should have taken up the I division instead of II.
Yet sometimes wasn’t that impressive either: the lack of yardstick and conditions for the motion.There weren’t other chief adjudicators for some reasons so Justin and Marcus became S.Adj.
Wanted to adjudicate another room but I realised it already started and it was too late.
But Evergreen was good, so good I should have joined their school in geographical convenience. Well yeah.

Then came VJC(i.p.) vs DHS
I gave it to VJ obviously due to the policy they reinforced and tackled opposition’s assumptions in the bud.
But lack engagement, I like the particular aggressive 2nd speaker for DHS though yet the damage was done was quite minimal – they shouldn’t have assummed that such conditions would disallow the goals to be far from acheiving. Slippery slope, False Dichotomy, Appealing to current conditions. Yet thier style really works out very well for a very boring motion. And if they reinforce that the benefits and detriments are not mutually exclusive, they would have gain edge. Well best speaker went to VJ, though at times used the notes as a security blanket. As if no one wouldn’t. And the 2nd speaker from VJ was urgh, too much enjambment and unclear. I think the margin wasn’t that wide either. Don’t ask me ask the cheif adj who happened to be the one who have adj me at tpjc debates.

Then comes to ACSbarker vs Nan Chiau (I sat in the same room due to the innate convenience and my sickly conditions)
For the first time, quote Hamidah, Nan Chiau lost and she was proud of it heh?
But seriously it wasn’t easy for NC to debate on their stance, but it doesn’t mean they can’t win either.
Opp  was quite unanimously victorious with their rebuttal tactics and pinning down of underlying assumptions and farcical promises that the policy can bring, when apparently no legitimising is possible. BUT, they should have explored another dimension in the debate because it started to get repetitive and naggy. NC should have utilised LT,ST structure though it still is hard to debate on their stance.

Then I went home.

Something that Ive realised.

The old beneficial me is dying. My apparent focused lifestyle is dying. I’m shortchanging myself.  Im not focused because of distractions. Not platonic love-crush distractions but something closer that what I would have expected. Apparently I shouldn’t have done certain things, but I’m no psychic either. I am not confused. Im still in a mess. Ive learnt during the holidays that I SHOULD DO FAVOURS FOR MYSELF AND NOT DOING THINGS FOR PEOPLE AT THE EXPENSE OF MYSELF LOSING OUT. WHAT THE FUCK HAS GONE INTO THAT HEAD, when actually IM REPEATING MY MISTAKES.. WHAT IS MY MIND MADE OF: NOODLES? I know sometimes school sucks but you apparently made it worse. I don’t know why I hate you but I can’t seem to get away of you. I realised I stop using the word I hate you alot of times nowadays. Thats good. Maybe there are too many people in one being. Not dilemma but dilemmas. So I should really kill one part of the inner detrimental Fikri and leave the two authentic ones. Yes inside there are many people residing in it, they happen to be good philosophers but better at lazying around.  Someone in me who died should have been revived (academic driven one) and someone in me should die (the 2009 one). Apparently, 2009 is a weird year. Weird developments and changes.WHy can’t we skip a year cause i dislike the no 2009 and why isn’t there part two of 2008.

Apparently, when melvin pointed out the conflicting views in one entire being seems to note my identity is fluid. I like that he pointed that out. But to others who have been with me for bloody long time: Well hello, heard of facades and facets?  Apparently if you do,  good. But if you don’t,   why did you exist anyway?

I have a feeling let the cat out of the box.  No i mean Lion out of the CAGE. I must shut up. Can I trust you?  Why should i anyway?  Ok fine, but what makes you think I can trust you more?

Obviously, I’m acting strange and thats because I am in a state of mess/anarchy.

Apparently someone treats me more like an amusement more than a friend.

Hope that someone knows that genuinity is not in them anyway.  So upon layers of ingenuinity, why should I make do? So much of a predicament. Im also at fault because I lose VIEW, I lose sight. My lofty goals : distracted and fogged.

Maybe I should not change so much if i wanted some kind of progress. Progress is linked to change, not extraordinary-omfgwtfbbqyourhead- changes. Changes that are hidden that only I can see it.

I just realised the old Fikri didn’t die, there is still hope for him to re-see again.

*Pump* CLEAR! ZAPS

Apparently I need sleep.

really really

but that time has come

Your President, Your Choice

Campaign will be up. Soon.
I have common test to study too you know!

Update: Campaign up at www.fikriforpresident.wordpress.com

How could forgiveness meet such a grotesque – prestidigitation such as that? (more…)

Pretty much like my pure lit in sec 4 days but it speaks volumes of truth.

Volumes.

(more…)

So it seems I’ve in one way deviated in the process making my ultra goals happening. In fact, far from happening – If I continue in this rate.

The emotion and thought are like the economy. Everyone is running into an recession. Not necessarily circumscribed to emotional mess but mental ones too. It gone extremes too, suddenly prices are not just fluctuating, the extreme sides of humanity is beginning to unravel. I guess thats what happens in life though. Shouldn’t just sit around and wallow in bitterness and self-pity, do something about it. You can complain but make sure there is motion and progress. You need to move on in life. Same for how in the mess I am now, I am in the mess since there is commitment overload, insofar it hampers on academic progress -which is primarily what we are supposed to acheive right? And along with it my decision changes like the policies in the government. Tharman kicking in the reserves symbolises dramatic change in times of desperacy. Same here in my life. Im now going harsh measures when my studies (and position) are in the recession(and at stake too).  But desperacy need not mean that I am doing things at the expense of others but doing things for myself for the sake of myself and knowing that there is still hope and faith.  Hope and faith not only in myself fundementally but for all. It seems that differences needs to be settled, especially the ones I face everyday, if not it will exercebate situations Kinda think of it, it applies to most people in any other groups and organisation.  We have so much problems right now, don’t complicate matters worse. Anyway in  terms of crisis, people are more posed with catastrophic difficulties and this time only meant that people come together for the good for all. Friend’s Friend parents got paycuts and sometimes jobless. What are we doing? We care about ourselves when we are in the better position. Needs not be in just in the recession but it seems when comes to things similar to that, we compete. Put effort and hope.

Prices of everything is going up.

Why are my grades  not going up.?

Whats is overdued currently?

(more…)

1. I really like you but I can’t come to terms to say it to you. If only there is someway. But then again, I want to destroy this crush in me. It will distract me from exams alot alot alot…But then, if I remain in this crush, it makes me feel encouraged to go all out study to prove something in a certain manifestation. Complicated? Thats love i mean crushing whatever
2. My week is getting better by the day. Although somehow I don’t think some of the plans are well-thought out, and I felt some of the teachers needs their plans thought thoroughly enough as well. Make up your darnnn minnnd (feigns respects)
3. The day Italians are coming is imminent. Want to show them around here cultures traditions ^excited squeal^ i mean weee.
4. I’m surrounded by some bigoted freak(s) who cannot make up his/her mind. Find your inner voice before coming to me. However, I want to proclaim in my deepest conviction that you guys really really suck, and for some of you, you should really consider why you belong here. Maybe not all of you, but sad though, you still suck.
5. I suck at sucking, beautifully. At least I can make up my mind fast enough to not bail from anything.
6. Just as I thought the assignment for the week was done, something came up and happened to be included in the common test marks. Oh theres GP timed ass. and I wasn’t prepared. See I suck at preparedness programme. Ironic cause I suggested the preparedness prog in the T.T.D. celebration. Thats life anyway.
7. Some of the days are very cyclical. How is this so? Imagine the day before, at a certain junction, we greeted goodbye. On the next morning (no more than 14 hours later), I happened to find that person on/around the same junction.  Good or bad? Depends,  I don’t really want to see the suckers.
8. Which reminds me why you even belong to this very institution.
9. HELLO FRIENDS. AOB?
10. End on point no. 10 just because I love even no. and it looks nice on the list.  This should be named 10 agendas for today. I realize I should tone down my cynicism.