The written Chronicles

Ive went through extremes.

Hate. Grief. Sorrow. Anger again.

It once touch a raw nerve rather the contact point was on the numb area.

Im not even emotional, perhaps emotionally-drained.

Perhaps if I were to be emotional – it makes me human. Or am I human? Do I even have tact as they defined?

Or perhaps under the emotional drain is the emotional me but under that is the emotional drain.

Insulation upon Insulation.

I’ve never thought I never knew myself, but turns out I do know myself, but lost myself.

Why is  year 2 being such a bitch.

(more…)

If the Thursday I’ve wasted wasn’t enough, Sunday had to be the next. (more…)

(Actually its just a song I’m listening to with no reference to the blog post)

Well my week’s pretty wasted.  I prefer having school rather than the dang fictional farcical promises of “Holidays” which connotes REST. Ironically I don’t.  And of all stupid things I do, my thursday was not spared from my stupidity. I went to school in the morning to accompany Farhana for consultation but that teacher isn’t there for the whole morning. Then comes afternoon in which we are supposed to attend a lecture but it wasn’t for us. I left because it really really is a waste of time. I went home to get myself locked out of the house because I had no key and Champa’s advice of dancing/doing the can-can didn’t help either. So I practically waited for 4-4.5 hours till I got inside  when my parents came home. Why is it that i either get myself locked inside and can’t get out or get myself locked outside.

My room was neaten again. and rummaged again. Sigh.

Other than that my holidays were fruitful. I think. Glad to hear that my close friends are staying on track. Those who actually didn’t,  well, I guess everything in life has its reasons for circumstances to shape in that manner. For my common test, its not a brilliant one.  Yeah people say I’m top position but I don’t freaking care because I should not give 2 hoots about comparison – yet everyone does it in a subtle manner, or cause me to do so. Not my fault.

Time did heal wounds (worries, false hope, melancholia). But it failed to bring me to forget about you. Sad.

H1 GP -           S
H1 Malay       U
H1 Math         S
H2 History    B
H2 Econs        B
H2 Lit              D

Time to buck up. I need time off to stay on track. Wait I already did.

OMG IM BEING AN WORKAHOLIC.

okthxbyeihavetogotoMPS

This march has been tumultous. (more…)

so does uncertainty.

I think its time for me to stop using titles with commas followed by cheesy conjuctions later. Really.

(more…)

Last Monday to Friday.

There is an apparent turn in mood and self-esteem. I acknowledged myself on daily basis for some successes and effort, though small. Like, got myself a place of MIDC after selections, getting a B for Econs and attending some lecture on public policy at NUS and what not. In short, I’m quite motivated =) But my other results are not out except for Econs and Math.

Was mugging yesterday and today. Or at least trying to. My 4 month plan (towards Mid-years)  are not fully drafted out. Going to stick to what I do when it is set into place. Going to ask the teachers what they plan to cover in these 4 months. Apparently on Friday, that A level results inspired me to do more. I want to succeed.

Perhaps I can be like a vessel of water.  Perhaps, more like the calm river on the surface,  but many would just doubt the undercurrents within. Everyone has theirs explicitly, and when I don’t show emotions, it does not mean I don’t have any. So watch your words. I may be like the river, if the vicious undercurent can drag you underneath, entangling your limbs in one of the weeds, and suffocating you, perhaps with some crocs – I can sufficiently say, I didn’t mean any harm. You were the one who got yourself under these messes, you provoked the waters and you risked it. Perhaps you shouldn’t have. You should have just dipped your legs at the surfacce near the shoreline, and maybe that was as far anyone should have gone.

I speak for myself.