The written Chronicles

Because I am numb yet a nut. Ok that didn’t make sense.

I’m feeling glad afterall. Its because maybe I need this afterall. I don’t really wallow in my dreamland that much. I mean I still fantasize, hope and wait for the special one but its not as hormonal as the one I had in the early 09. Its probably subjects that are close to heart never should be dealt with in my case. I just need a good wait.  Perhaps not at all a wait when I  don’t think I should be getting one either. Though I still wait to grab her palms, squeezing it in comfort. Knowing I can seek solace in her and vice versa, discovering the depth of each other but sometimes I’ve always been quite like

like that.

anyway drifting into the future, my parents are going to go to m’sia, which leaves me literally home alone with my brother in the camp, I think that really spelt F-R-E-E-D-O-M. and also spell no more having to fear having catching me naked in the bathroom with the faulty door. I think someone should fix things right in this house. And they are gone right…hmm. Maybe I should get more money as an excuse to sustain myself and fix those bloody things for once and for all. I don’t really know how to put it but as much as my father suppresses, I can see a child in him. Like how he tends to procrastinate doing things which don’t really bother him.

The house can be still awfully noisy for such an ulu setting in sembawang. I don’t know what traumatic experiences Sembawang has faced over the past 10 years. I still remember snuggling up to my dad’s embrace because I fear the ‘lurking’ pontianaks and the ultra-solemn quiet sembawang back then. But I guess when it gets urbanised, it loses more of its ambience (heh, I still can recall blasting my clarinet solo of star wars during 11ish when I was in  sec one and I kinda heard the neighbourS echoes of complaints) and yes Sembawang used to be as quiet as the prayer room (which once i fear praying because I had that imagination a pontinak was lurking around. Now what has sembawang turn into? A place where mats frolick with their hats worn dubiously to show off that it can store alot of air between its top and the space between the hollow heads, when bangladashi workers recklessly sped their bikes (and i meant really really fast), where PRCs speak so loudly in the Macdonalds, and where the roadworks are still on even at this hour 11pm.

And for me walking in the house naked/half-naked, the fear has never change because of lurking pontianaks that might rape me.

What’s the point of this post again?