“Happy. Confident. Not afraid of anything. That guy was you before this year”
These are the silent mumblings of my mind for the past few days. It reminded me who I was and this somewhat reminded me of the spirit the way I live my life. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. I had a zest for life, for friends and all the people around me. I would walk down the classrooms beaming with sheer confidence and full of excitement; no matter whether it was the exams or just an ordinary day in school. Sure I had my stressful days and being sick but there were people to reassure me. I never really absorb myself in self-pity and there was no legitimate reason to. I never understood why people immerse themselves in misery where there is more to life than that.
I know I should not look back to see the person I was just because its familiar and comforting given that the circumstances has changed. Furthermore, I think that the excuse of “This is just NS” is a really bad one. It has been a while since I’m feeling really close and comfortable with people. If I could remember taking the personality test 2 months ago, perhaps I am really an introvert. A huge contrast to my extroverted-ness last year; and it was of no exaggeration when I mean I was too full of myself that could strike a few nerves.
I hate to see myself in this state. I’ve assumed this weird quiet personality. I should allow myself to express myself more without fear that what I may say may sound awkward. I should feel less self-conscious. I should stop feeling repressed and even self-repressed. I don’t care sounding smart again, even if it means having other’s feeling put down and inferior (cause honestly – thats their problem — even if they play the “jc/poly” card). Their innate parochialism of polarising individuals into dichotomous caricatures of JC vs. Poly is in bad taste. Compartmentalizing people only serves to hinder you from getting to know people better, duh. As I don’t have to change my nature just to suit to other’s pleasure, I live for myself. Why did I limit and shortchange myself sometimes? It’s so stupid.
