I know people may look at me neurotic when I came to a conclusion that I may have over-romanticised my life in NS before I really got a real taste of it. 11 months into it.
Not because I didn’t imagine myself as this person in this environment, much less even with the expectations of ranks and responsibilities. Not even of the freedom that was forcibly taken away from us. That wasn’t a variable the very least.
It may come across as naive and juvenile when I told people I expected to be happier. Not that I am unhappy now just that where my life here could be improved upon, lacks action. Perhaps I’m tackling with this sense of alienation and profound strangeness. Or perhaps I wanted more from people that I meet.
In fact, I do miss meeting interesting and understanding people lately. At this moment, anyone would find it hard to identify myself with what I will say in the next few lines because it seems concealed and disclosed. I need to let go of it all. When I imagine less, I will get more of it in life.
