Weird Dream

1. All of us, in the MI cohort were in this one gigantic cruise, but when we were reaching the shore,  we had to land on “lower seabed” which cause the whole cruise to make a capsize turn. I held on to whatever kept me on the roof. But i managed to keep there. We were thrilled because we know the cruise were designed for this. One thing puzzled me is that why is that fat man not holding to anything but could oppose the forces of gravity? It was epic because we hear the whole hall screaming because they were thrilled. I saw from the gigantic window that the landscape was upside down. I held tightly to the chair as I felt my whole body almost hanging from the roof. Suddenly it went back into its original moving form
2. We landed to shore and we were supposed to get some supplies at some shack. Andrew (NJC) was there also and he bug me to get my school’s AQ practice paper for prelim 2. I sneaked one from a stack to give him the practice papers he needed to do. Apparently in my image of my mind, it was above a pile of sand..
3. I kinda saw a similar smaller boat ”capsizing” before reaching the shore.. Apparently there is a lower sea bed, a huge step lower that causes any moving ship to capsize once before reaching the shore.
4. Met with someone who, like me, didn’t follow the itinerary — we forgot to take a pair of slippers for the trip.
5. I also realised I forgot to bring ANYTHING for the trip.
6. Then I was thinking about my house and my red bag, why was there so little inside. I was fearful because I didn’t bring any underwear.
7. Suddenly (I felt I went into the second layer of my dream) I was to be called out from a classroom by Ms Zhang. I was being scolded for making so many errors in marking the school’s prelim papers for maths. Apparently I made only 2 mistakes in my marking in marking the whole cohort.
8. Me, Yi Chin and some other person were waiting outside a corridor  (the scene shifted to a familiar place…outside my old house corridor) to wait for consultation. The lady asked us to go to the neighbouring home instead of the one at the corner. Both were her houses.
9. I had it with the consultation
10. Suddenly hordes of people from my batch made queues in front of that house to consult for SEA history.
11. Miss Choo appeared, asking me why haven’t I complete my maths revision and all other revision that matters. I’m supposed to show her evidence of my revision like those in mentorship programmes.
12. Everyone had to leave the room because we needed to attend morning assembly (my secondary school compound this time)
13. Instead, we ran into the bookstore. We wished “happy staff day” (during teachers day) to the people who were working in a gigantic book store (imagine popular) in our school  in the melody of Happy Birthday. All the books were yellow. The furniture somewhat shifted (though I’ve been in this dream for the first time)
14. A few of us were boarding the chartered bus this time,  to go to a trip somewhere (I don’t know the destination yet). Joyce helped to get supplies for other people (somehow vague) before we all board the bus.
15. Then whilst waiting the them, the driver drove around the neighbourhood instead. And made a very dangerous drive. The other people and I had a clear view as if we were sitting in front like a lorry. Suddenly,  the driver was unaware that he was hitting into a carpark shutter entrance (in my dream there is). I called out to him, apparently he did it on purpose.  So he drove up the carpark, and made very dangerous corners and rampage through all barriers. It was dim now. We keep going levels above levels. Until we were spotted by a spotter van, a police.
16. The bus went into an alarmist mode like being caught by guards in the Metal Gear Solid style. We escaped the carpark in the slick manner. Then i shouted out to the bus driver “Oi you think this is grand theft auto ah!”. The rest laughed. I was angry.
17. The bus wrecked through corners with the  police forces appearing from all corners. We made sleek turns (like those car stunts you see in movies) and avoided a lot of police shooting.
18. Some lives were killed, innocently (a lady in her car). Suddenly I had a gods-eye view of the runaway (bus — it appeared as a car in the end). The police already exhausted all means for the driver to run away. Trapped.  Then I saw the driver (the real culprit) in a uniform suit pretending to be one of the forces to hunt ‘him’ down. Apparently, he got out just in time to manipulate another being in that car. Someone in the car  was shot dead eventually.
19. Then i saw the driver going into a locker place full of policemen changing. He was apprehensive of changing because he don’t want him to find out. The rest asked him why not he change.

And I woke up.

I’ve better start cracking

It is beginning to feel scary that I don’t feel the urge to slog it out hard for the prelims. And I don’t think I’ve become really complacent, just that I’m feeling very slack at the moment. And its not that kind of Ok-I’m-cool-collected-and-composed kind of calmness which shows that kind of confidence that I will ace it. Instead its the lazy, carefree, nonchalant, laid back kind of person the past few days. It’s been a long time since my brain has been saturated with a lot of facts  (and it felt kinda good honestly). Holidays is a sure way to pace down, hopefully I will get my spark of creative juices and brain juices flowing (after breakfast cause thats were all the food and whatever juice goes in) Perhaps,  I’ll find my focus again.

On another hand, I’ve been so motivated to finish  Ms Arfah’s homework which was due like on Monday but I’ve only submitted one section yesterday. Just kill me. I really hate to procrastinate!

On a more positive note, I’m looking forward to the picnic after A’s so I can test my cooking abilities again. I’m sure my friends will be accommodating even if my cooking sucks..

And I’ve been overly obsessed with games these days.

Contacting the outside life

Bliss of the Blue...

It have been such a mundane day, though I didn’t really actually seek to do something exciting at the outset. I woke up at 5 only to munch a bit of chappati and laze around the house logging on to facebook and played some games. Had a small chat with Joyce and Fan Zhi. Kids, if someone advise you to Seize the day, please seize the day and not sleep the day. I for one, do not know how to live up to the values I cherish. But I guess I was innately tired from all that cleaning and thus I need a proper nap  (which somehow spans over 4 hours).  And yes, I didn’t know I’ve been such a hermit, cocooning in my own shell! It has been like this for about 3 days. That bad. No, I’m not withdrawn. Fan Zhi thought I should actually go out.

Anomaly

How do i even begin? This week is somehow boring. But in a sense, it was well, for no better word – Disturbing. I wouldn’t like to even try to explain how and why. Strange and odd are not even enough to fully exemplify how I felt.

Remember how sometimes you really pin a lot of hopes to connect with someone for a long time and that hope was…well.. more potent in recent months. And of course you don’t feel anything like that in say, semester 2. A person whom you can click with and possibly fall in love. Note that I used the word possible. As of late, this is the regimented mugging life where you don’t even think that there is any need for some kind of connection. Its like  a very persuasive conscience speaking “You are your own connection. Connect with the inner you! You will triumph over anything coming your way” to the point that you become a prosaic person. Unusually, I don’t feel bad about it. But it becomes more usual along the way.

So what happen to that person? Of late, i have been thinking about ‘it’. Let call it an ‘it’ because I do have some form of resentment towards that person who deserved to be stripped off of any human qualities. (and yes, i do have  a very undulating love-hate relationship with the people I’ve been thinking about) It appears in my daily live like a hallucination, as if representing my little regrets. And how little it is. Then It disappeared into thin air. Sometimes It comes into a form of a premonition – foretelling you logically what you should have done (and about what right). Sometimes It just makes you remember the carefree days of February, immersed in your own world, paying no attention to any bubbling concerns. So why bring this up? To remember that I’ve remembered such an almost forgotten stranger or to be self-critical of my foolishness that that person is somewhere in the recesses of my mind.. (Why do we pin so much hopes on a character that would not really turn out to what you want them to be? The answer is obvious.)

And of late, life has been very amusing. I doubt that it is not even possible to imagine something and it becomes real, literally. Yes, somehow, somewhere, some fate or higher power or some unknown forces, seem to be conspiring with my inner desires and how apt that it manifest in reality without me realizing it. And I don’t suppose I have the sense of foresight – though it would have been good to have. Imagine how it feels like when you vouch for something for a long time yet you don’t explicitly say that you wanted it. Yet somehow or another, it comes to you in a subtle manner. Which could be equally frustrating. The things that you really hope for and sacrificed much for it seems to stray away from your wishes. The paradox of life? Perhaps so…

And again, I question this slew of useless ramblings for the public eyes to see.

SRSLY?

Srsly.

I love Power Rangers

If you were a 91 baby (or somewhere around that birth year), one of your favourite tv series could have been this

Yes, the MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS!

Ah didn’t it bring back memories?

Sleepless

Sleepless in Seatle, Singapore, Sembawang.

It seems rather, with my energetic mood today, the day may have seemed accomplished (until…). Yet this is another one of the days where the sense of accomplishment is watered down by my own insolvent mind. Do I really need to feel the pressure looming in near-proximity of the exams so I could spur myself to better utilise my time? I could pay only insipid attention to the details in these stupid academic notes and documents, testpapers and the drudgery of academia during June holidays. Prosaic…

Who knows what lurks in our futures?  I msned up with Joyce Ng in some rare circumstance yes perhaps I was bored. We spoke about the array of topics, the Christianizing MI (only God knows why), spotting exam questions, the perennial JC-MI comparison, the chat about our occupational futures. It could only be justified why we are apprehensive with our doubts on our occupation. On what we are going to settle on. Lawyer, working in MHA, setting up a biz, journalists, newscaster, travel journalist and the frivolity of thinking of dying on the job (literally, and metaphorically from routines). Once again, I brazenly impressed myself with what I just said to her,  given her innate fears of routine, “You can’t change routine. What you can change is how interesting your routine is”.

I guess we subtly question ourselves our own personal futures on what really gratifies and delights us? What principles, ethics, and environment are we going to live by? I mean, it may seem a little auctorial thinking about something that is adult and everything that connotes adulthood – responsibilities, taxes, mortgages, paperwork, the inanity of corporate lingo, jobs..But to me there is always something pensive about this. Not that kind of sitting along the beach with your lover watching the dusk, pondering about the affairs for tomorrow. But more of an imagined reality (yeah i know it doesn’t quite fit), where we are carried away with the torrent of fuzzy images of working 9-5shifts(or more), driving our own cars, drifting amongst buildings….but just not in Singapore. There is something quite peculiar in the mood of solemnity in such a mind-drift.

Soon, will we be the ghost of our futures or the glories of our past?

Stupidity hurts

And I’m not kidding, it literally did.

22 Dec 2009

I am not exactly a fan or a captive of other’s thoughts or lifestyle. But once in a while its fun to involve myself in the daily lives of others. Me for instance had my holidays well spent, especially with Jeffery with the convenience of distance. There wasn’t any jarring difference in the way we live, and more interesting than ever,  we share the same interests. Speaking about interests, I almost discovered an exact carbon-copy personality of myself and it happens to be one of my smun friends after acquainted for six months. Scary? Interesting? Excited? Apprehensive? Intrigued? Perhaps a mix of all of these. 2 same shared personalities in different societal context and experiences. I knew when I first met him he is an interesting person, its going to get a helluva more interesting now.

In fact we kinda meet up last Saturday out of sheer boredom and we would talk about anything under the sun. Talk about upbringing, I’m sure we had almost the same upbringing. I still can remember the primary school days I had to endure the lengthy (and highly ineffective) tuition which just gave me work and leave me none the wiser. I seriously didn’t know how I got myself into tuition. I was sure I wasn’t stupid – I could answer almost all of the questions in class, homework. Yadda yadda. But all these homework piling up from tuition (more from tuition rather) just gave me the desperate call for freedom. It was quite similar that both of us had our limited freedom (my mother was smothering really) and mounting pressure. I mean seriously we were just kids!  On hindsight, I didn’t know when I left tuition was the right call in primary 6 given that it was my crucial year. I once had a classmate in the same tuition and I was consistently better than him without. Tuition in essence, hinders progress at that time, and the tutor’s qualifications are dubious in fact.  I mean I had 90 for Science without help. Sometimes I didn’t know why my parents relented to my demands of no tuition at all that year unlike most parents do. Looking back, I was very daring to do such a thing my age. I didn’t know whether was that a glimpse of my maturity or was it another one of my rash, and hasty decision to long for freedom.

Well, he on the other hand, had to obey his parents. And wouldn’t dare do such a thing. In fact he didn’t had console games in his life with such an totalitarian upbringing. I could daresay we might have different social upbringing that shaped us into similar beings. In addition with the lack of freedom I had, I grew up seeing myself the necessity to distance myself from Lan/console games because I was addicted to it at such a young age of primary 5. You can guess that both of us did grew into boring, uninteresting beings, with time spent nothing, killing our imagination to have fun.

That aside, I didn’t realise how stupidly creative I handled my own life when I was young. A sad thing though, I didn’t know what a vagina was till end of primary school and he discovered it in secondary school. You’ve bet by now that as I grew up, the only thing left was my semblence of innocence – my face. Yes, oh dear.

Reminiscing about primary school, I can’t wait to go back to school.

But sometimes going back to school is such a bittersweet experience. Its not about the teachers or the workload exactly. Remember how you had your PW and you didn’t really like working with some people especially they are horribly incompetent and gave uninspiring excuses? Yes, not that I had any grudges for anyone, and actually I have none. And I was usually the one helping beyond my needs…till this year. But sometimes I am too scared to wonder if people in my school would make it to the As. Not to say that I am showing off cause I do actually help people in every ways possible. Just that it really makes me wonder why are some people are just so pathetic. I mean 2 years in school you could not even analyse and evaluate properly (let alone at a higher level with more sophisticated argumentative handles), you are just really wasting your time. Yet in the end they are my friends, to worry or to neglect at this year? I may be selfish at this stage but I won’t compromise on my honesty. I’m going to look forward helping solely myself (and a selectively others if its easy to help). Charity starts at home anyway. Those who are not from my school would also find these characters extremely pathetic and superficial, you don’t know what they have really learnt while growing up.

Lets talk about something else other than school.

This holidays was a blast. I did so many things I wanted to accomplish (though I am a tad dissapointed in what I could have done).

This morning, I got the liberty and time to try to swim again since lightyears. So I met Jeff in the morning and head to the Yishun Swimming Complex. There was a jarring difference to what I used to know when I was younger. Perhaps when I was an adolescence everything seemed infinitely big. These kids are so lucky they installed a slide now. Since I already know freestyle (clumsily though) ,  I was struggling with the breaststroke. Yeah its hard when I don’t really breathe properly. Its like Silent Hill underwater…It was taking alot of my stamina…It was a  really nice day to swim really. And the milo and prata after that…therapeutic!

Wrong. Number.

*Handphone Vibration*
*answer*

Me:Hello?
Little Girl : HEEELLLOOOOO DADDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Me: O.O ..
Me:…
(Damn freaky, since when i got a daughter) ..
Me:…uh……wrong number.
Little Girl: DAAADDY???
Me: O.O wrong. number.